I'm having the worst time right now, I feel so helpless. I'm so fucking tired of not being able to take care of myself, I feel so pathetic. I've got no where trying to get help finding a Dr. close to home. It's like no one has any empathy anymore. I don't even know. I just feel so defeated and helpless. I'm seriously wondering how much more I can take. It's like some cosmic joke, the universe just keeps throwing shit at me. I'm only going to keep fighting though, and the harder it gets, the more fired up I get. I've got to get creative in getting help. It's just unbelievable how far I've slipped through the cracks. This system is a joke, especially when you are a woman. I've got to start writing letters to help raise awareness, to anyone who will listen, everyone. I know I have the skills to make something happen, and I know I can write intelligently. I just need to do some research, more than I've already done. I just wish there were more resources available to me. The lack of help for women with endometriosis is un acceptable. It's so hard to live with this, and there needs to be MUCH more for those of us in need. I just hope that things can start to change and that I can find a good Dr. who really wants to help me and that I can start to feel able to support myself. I'm so tired of not feeling secure and able to take care of myself.
I started this a while ago now and I'm still feeling just as down and frustrated. I've been so mistreated it's a joke. I'm going to have to stop procrastinating and get on it. It's just that I have so little faith. I know what I have to do, or at least try. It's getting to the point that I can't even keep my employer happy anymore and I'm scared I'm going to lose my job. If that happens I don't even know what I'm going to do. I feel so helpless and pathetic, I loathe it. It's such a vicious cycle of emotions to be stuck in. I feel like I don't even know who I am besides just a sick person anymore. I just want to be able to take care of myself. It's like I'm stuck in a hole trying to claw my way out. I just want to give up sometimes. I don't know what I would if it wasn't for my family and friends. I'm so lucky to have the support I get from them, as I know not everyone does either. I just wish I could financially support myself and not feel like such a burden, the guilt that this gives me is just killing me.
No comments:
Post a Comment