It's been 2 weeks and I'm still spotting. I went to the clinic on Friday and the Doctor wasn't really very helpful, just did a routine pregnancy test, which I knew would be negative. He said if it's still happening in 48 hours then to go for an ultrasound. So it looks like I'm going to have to do that. It's such a fucking joke, I'm so sick of it, it makes me so angry. I'm starting to really have a hard time with my body, I'm really starting to hate it. I can't help but just feel more and more frustrated with it because of how many things I can't do anymore, and it's so depressing. If I could only get a fucking family Doctor so that I could at least apply for ODSP and see what happens. I can't wait for things to just be different, I've really had enough of this shit. I only want to be able to take care of myself, and I know I sound like a broken record, but it's something you take for granted until you can't do in anymore. The things that tire me out make me feel like the laziest person ever.
Changing my thoughts here,.. trying to get positive. I have my appointment with the cannabis clinic tomorrow. I'm super excited, a bit anxious and nervous. I just really hope all goes well and that I can get approved and the process started. It will be sooo good to have access to medical grade marihuana. I should try and get to bed soon, try and relax a bit more.
Tuesday, 28 February 2017
Thursday, 23 February 2017
so not fun
My stupid, stupid body just keeps giving me more problems. I have been bleeding/ spotting for over a week now and pervious to this starting I had a period only 2 weeks before, and I'm on the pill right now. I've been on it continually since after my surgery. I don't understand this at all, I know spotting is normal with endometriosis but it's luckily something I've never had to get used to. I may go to the clinic tomorrow just to see if I should be concerned. It's probably from all of the stress of trying to deal with that fucking place to get a family Dr., but that's another story. I don't even want to get into it, I'm trying to stay positive and I don't want it to ruin my night.
I'm feeling very lucky though. For all of the people I have in my life that love me and are here for me, I can't imagine doing this any other way. I am so lucky to have Ryan too, he took such good care of me after my surgery and always does. He has really taken the time to try and understand my health problems the best he can, and I am so thankful for that. He's the best, and for putting up with all of my craziness too, especially after my surgery. I went a bit loopy from all the drugs they had me on. I don't do well with chemicals, hence the use of marihuana. Thankfully I have an appointment with an Cannabis Clinic very soon. I can't even tell you how long I have waited for this, and I'm just hoping everything goes well for me and I can get my cannabis card. I need it so much. I really believe and know the healing power of it, and it just makes sense to me. I know it is still controversial but I understand the side affects of it a lot better than most medication out there.
I'm really hoping I can get a family Doctor soon so I can get the help I need. I'm really freaked out about this spotting but I'm telling myself it's because I'm so stressed and fired up about this whole thing with trying to get a Doctor. It's completely fucked up, for lack of a better term. I just need to get my body working well enough so I can take care of myself. It is getting frustrating not being able to take care of myself like I want to, I don't even have the energy to have a bath tonight. It's a difficult thing to explain. I at least made myself henna my hair last weekend and it was so worth it. It always makes me feel better and my hair smells so nice after.
I'm feeling very lucky though. For all of the people I have in my life that love me and are here for me, I can't imagine doing this any other way. I am so lucky to have Ryan too, he took such good care of me after my surgery and always does. He has really taken the time to try and understand my health problems the best he can, and I am so thankful for that. He's the best, and for putting up with all of my craziness too, especially after my surgery. I went a bit loopy from all the drugs they had me on. I don't do well with chemicals, hence the use of marihuana. Thankfully I have an appointment with an Cannabis Clinic very soon. I can't even tell you how long I have waited for this, and I'm just hoping everything goes well for me and I can get my cannabis card. I need it so much. I really believe and know the healing power of it, and it just makes sense to me. I know it is still controversial but I understand the side affects of it a lot better than most medication out there.
I'm really hoping I can get a family Doctor soon so I can get the help I need. I'm really freaked out about this spotting but I'm telling myself it's because I'm so stressed and fired up about this whole thing with trying to get a Doctor. It's completely fucked up, for lack of a better term. I just need to get my body working well enough so I can take care of myself. It is getting frustrating not being able to take care of myself like I want to, I don't even have the energy to have a bath tonight. It's a difficult thing to explain. I at least made myself henna my hair last weekend and it was so worth it. It always makes me feel better and my hair smells so nice after.
Saturday, 11 February 2017
Post surgery post
So, It's clearly been a while since I had my surgery. I don't know exactly why I've taken so long to post this. Soooo much has happened. With work and my health care and everything just seems to be giving me more and more trouble.I guess I should begin by saying that surgery went well, I had endometriosis on my bladder, cervix and pelvic wall, and they also removed a cyst from my right fallopian tube. I can't even begin to explain how good it feels to know I was right, I feel so vindicated! The recovery was a trip though, I didn't do to well with all the painkillers and crap they had me on, but I made it and healed well, without infection or anything. I am very proud of myself for fighting to get the right help, and believing in myself. I am still healing though and things are taking time to get back to normal. It sure is nice though to be able to have an orgasm again though without having terrible pain and muscle spasms after, to be able to get excited again without experiencing stabbing pains. I still need to find a new family Dr. though so I can get some treatment for my fibromyalgia and hopefully get my some relief. While it has been good to be back at work it has been really physically hard.
My goal for this year was to get myself better and have my surgery. For this next year I want to fight to raise as much awareness as I can about Endometriosis because I don't want anymore women to have to go through I did. The sad thing that there are, and there are many that are much worse than I was and that breaks my heart. The stories I read would make so many cringe. I wouldn't even know where to begin.
The more and more hurdles I have to jump I'm starting to feel like my story needs to be told, I don't like to broadcast on social media but I can't tell you how much I just want to let it all out. I literally had to call the Ontario Human Rights Association to fucking be able to use a stool for work and basically save my now pathetic job. I am constantly getting told hit at work too, I was told not to drink while serving customers this week. Really? Is it so offensive that I need to take a drink because I'm talking to people and my mouth gets dry, not to mention I have a cold right now, which is what I said. I am just so fed up with people and everything, I just want to be able to get ahead. I just want people to treat me with respect, I don't like being the only cashier on a stool, I don't like being singled out believe me. I've had enough of that in my lifetime. Then there is me trying to get a new family Dr. and that's been even more of a joke. I don't even know if I can delve into it right now because it's still fresh and so infuriating. I will prevail though, I know my rights and if someone wants to mess with me they don't know who they are dealing with. I am a strong an intelligent woman who single handedly at 17? pulled off one of the best corporate table /sponsorship in the Ontario Secondary School Student's Association history. I had some good companies. like friggen Bell. I did Sevec when I was 13? and Katimavik when I was 18, I am a powerhouse who can wield a strong sword. I will prevail. On a positive note I got a referral to a medical marihuana clinic in Whitby after I can't even tell you how long of waiting. Fucking awesome, I deserve this.
My goal for this year was to get myself better and have my surgery. For this next year I want to fight to raise as much awareness as I can about Endometriosis because I don't want anymore women to have to go through I did. The sad thing that there are, and there are many that are much worse than I was and that breaks my heart. The stories I read would make so many cringe. I wouldn't even know where to begin.
The more and more hurdles I have to jump I'm starting to feel like my story needs to be told, I don't like to broadcast on social media but I can't tell you how much I just want to let it all out. I literally had to call the Ontario Human Rights Association to fucking be able to use a stool for work and basically save my now pathetic job. I am constantly getting told hit at work too, I was told not to drink while serving customers this week. Really? Is it so offensive that I need to take a drink because I'm talking to people and my mouth gets dry, not to mention I have a cold right now, which is what I said. I am just so fed up with people and everything, I just want to be able to get ahead. I just want people to treat me with respect, I don't like being the only cashier on a stool, I don't like being singled out believe me. I've had enough of that in my lifetime. Then there is me trying to get a new family Dr. and that's been even more of a joke. I don't even know if I can delve into it right now because it's still fresh and so infuriating. I will prevail though, I know my rights and if someone wants to mess with me they don't know who they are dealing with. I am a strong an intelligent woman who single handedly at 17? pulled off one of the best corporate table /sponsorship in the Ontario Secondary School Student's Association history. I had some good companies. like friggen Bell. I did Sevec when I was 13? and Katimavik when I was 18, I am a powerhouse who can wield a strong sword. I will prevail. On a positive note I got a referral to a medical marihuana clinic in Whitby after I can't even tell you how long of waiting. Fucking awesome, I deserve this.
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