Yesterday was a horrible day. I am so disappointed and let down, I just want to give up.

I went to my Dr. to ask for a referral to a pain specialist, who my other Dr., my OBGYN had referred me to but it was to far away. I also asked for a referral to an Gastro Dr. which she didn't understand why, and wouldn't do for me. Something about needing something from my other Dr.? So I assume there is not mutual communication there, my Dr. had no idea what I was doing or anything. I got frustrated with her because she didn't want to help, I started to cry and said I feel like no one wants to help me., I said I am I pain all of the time and nothing helps me Well, she took it personally, and made it about her. She didn't even want to hear me. She showed me how she has referred me to other Dr.'s and said how she can only do so much as a Dr. herself. THEN SEND ME TO SOMEONE ELSE! I'm so angry with everything, I hardly even have enough energy to take care of myself anymore.
I tried explaining how I can hardly work anymore. I've already been working less and less, and while I need more money I cant responsibly ask for more work because I can barley handle my shifts as it is. I'm so over not being able to do shit, I feel like I'm screaming on the inside. I feel like there is nothing left, I just have to fucking hold on the best I can until my surgery and fucking hope for a miracle. I truly hope to be able to advocate for myself and other women on some real levels one day. I was thinking of anonymously dropping some copies of Endo what? to some Dr.'s offices around here. It makes me so angry that I'm left knowing more about this disease than my Dr.'s. I guess it's how it goes with something like this, it is just so infuriating that I have to educate everyone in my life on my disease and that I feel like I constantly have to explain myself. I know people look at me and think 'what the fuck is wrong with her? I know I'm misunderstood.