@#*$

I really don't know what I'm going to do. I feel so helpless.

I called work today and spoke with my manager and it's something like this, they didn't schedule me because they are unsure what to do because of my missing so much work and not feeling well. I suggested maybe taking a leave until after my surgery if they would do that for me. I would hope to be able to then get unemployment until I can work again, he said he will run it by someone and see what they say. He didn't seem opposed to the idea and was very kind and understanding. I am going to try my luck tomorrow with my Dr. and see if she will write me a note saying I am unable to work. I have my doubts, but I have to try. I don't know what else I can do. The stress of this is really getting to me and I feel so defeated all the time. I feel so broken, I just keep losing to this disease.

I called my specialists office the other day and they are on vacation, so called my Dr.'s today and asked if she had heard from them and she hadn't. I'm disappointed because I am at the mercy of other people's efficiency. The only reason they wouldn't is if my Dr. had everything she needed. If that is the case then I don't know what's going on. I do know that I got a letter from a gastro place and it's a six months waiting. I suppose I will have to call and get on a cancellation list. I tried to call already but they are on vacation too.

I really hope that something good will happen to me tomorrow. I at least found a store I can get henna at, the raw powder.