I want to do bad things

I've been spotting again the past 4 or 5 days. It's been so painful too. My Mum was telling me that antibiotics can make the pill less effective, so yea. I guess that's part of it? It just hurts so fucking much, it makes me want to hurt people. I wouldn't, but this pain really makes feel like punching someone, or just physically letting someone have it. It's insane, because I have such a weak stomach for gore that it literally makes me faint. This pain just makes me mentally 'off' I guess. It's hard to explain, but it just brings anger and fire with it, maybe because it feels like someone is lighting a fire inside me and stabbing random spots depending on whatever way I happen to move, and oh the stabbing pains up the sides of my vagina that randomly come and go. It's relentless and I could go on and on about what hurts.

I'm happy to say I finally called my Dr. and have an appointment the beginning of next month. I'm looking forward to it, she seems like a kind lady and genuinely seems to like me which feels nice. She seems very down to earth and understanding too, which is refreshing, since my last Dr. was honestly just horrible. I just hope I'm right about my new Dr., that she can help me, and that she wants to help me. I've just got to keep fighting and remember that that's what I'm going to have to keep doing for myself.

I haven't been sleeping great either and this pain is just so exhausting. I'm feel 10 times more tired than usual, and usually I'm tired all the time. It's 'normal' though, well my 'normal' anyway. I'm not complaining about usually being tired, because I can deal with that fatigue, but this fatigue is just awful. I feel like I'm in a daze. I just want to sleep because the pain wears me out so much. I'm having bad stomach pains of all sorts today and I feel like complete shit. I've been having a lot of leg soreness, which is usual with this type of pain, but it's just more tiring.. anyway enough about me being tired and sore, it's just fucking bad and has me in a bit of a mood. I guess I should note to that I started this post a few days ago and just finished it today, but I've been feeling consistently shitty so it all rings true. 

I guess this is all for now, I found a bunch of great awareness positive pics and endo sister shared the other day, I'm going to try and put some in my blogs because I think it helps.