a painful reminder

I missed my birth control pill on Tuesday night, as I have been on continual bc since my surgery last year and have only taken a few breaks for periods. Well I've been spotting on and off since missing my pill and have been having fucking brutal cramps. So bad that I'm 1000% sure my endo is back. It's been a long while since I've felt this excruciating pain inside. It's like knives stabbing, with hot pokers and someone pulling on your insides all at once. I hate this bullshit disease so fucking much. I know I should probably break for a period too, but it's just not something I want to deal with in my life right now, and doubt I could handle it well at all right now. I can't afford to be an emotional mess right now. It's just not in the cards, this pain is bad enough. A part of me feels bad about it too, for forgetting how painful it can be.. how could I ever forget. Even just putting a small tampon in hurt like hell. I had to because the spotting/bleeding is that bad. It's just a nightmare. I'm doing my best to do my aromatherapy to help and taking ibuprofen accordingly. I just hope it ends soon, especially by Wednesday for when I work. This pain has a way of putting me in a terrible mood, so bad that I struggle to like myself sometimes. This disease makes me angry, the lack of awareness, the lack of 'treatment', the lack of specialists and just the fact that it affects 1 in 10 women, and yet the health care system is so lax in properly treating these women. We are pinned as fakers, or dismissed because there is no way to see the cause of the pain without proper surgery. It doesn't show up on a ct scan or ultrasound. We are pinned as drug seekers because of this. I am one in ten Women with this condition.