I've got a lot to get out right now, it's very personal, but it needs to be exposed. People need to be aware of how this disease can take so much away from someone's life. Not just my social life or my ability to so anything really physically tiring. Not just my friendships that have suffered or my art, which is another story all together. My sexual identity, my ability to own and express my most primal and basic instincts as a woman, as a human.
My heart breaks when I begin to think about this because I don't even know who I am sexually anymore.
I will explain, I can't even remember the last time I had an orgasm, or I wasn't afraid to have one. Yes afraid because as soon as I reach that point of pleasure, all hell breaks loose and my stomach and insides betray me and start to contract like nothing I've felt before. It has brought me to tears before. It is some of the worst pain I've ever experienced in my life. I even hurt when I start to get excited, the physical thought of sexual activity makes my body hurt. My body reacts in pain. It is one of the most depressing things I have ever had to deal with. It makes me so sad because I've completely lost my sexual identity. I feel like I'm a shell of who I used to be. It's bad enough that this disease has taken so much from me, but this has been the hardest struggle for me and what makes it even harder is the taboo of the subject matter. It is difficult for me as a woman to feel comfortable talking about this, but I've chose to speak out and end my silence. I hope that I can create some awareness so we don't have to suffer in silence anymore. If this was a man writhing this, I know people would be paying attention, just look at Viagra. It makes me crazy that I have to live with this, and it makes me crazy how unaware people are of this suffering women with Endometriosis live with day to day. It is hard having something that affects your body and mind, and the relationship between the two so profoundly.
I truly can't wait for my surgery and hope with everything I have that I no longer have this pain afterwards. I don't know what I will do if it doesn't change. I need this part of my life back, I need to feel empowered by my femininity again.
My heart goes out to you and all the women I had no idea were suffering from this. You're absolutely right about society's lack of awareness. Until you began speaking about it, I had no idea this even existed and I tend to think of myself as a fairly aware person.
ReplyDeleteI hope your surgery makes a huge difference <3 -Cadence
Ps I don't know why it's using my art account to comment lol
DeleteLove you!!
Thank you my dear, it means a lot. It is really sad how little people are aware of this and I feel like a lot of it has to do with the taboo of periods attached to it. I just can't stand it anymore. I need to speak out and I am so thrilled that people are responding. Thanks my dear, I love you!
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