So the pain is definitely back in full swing again.. more than enough breakthrough bleeding too still. I've got to go for my tests soon, but the bloodwork is going to have to wait, especially since I just had another episode related to blood again the other night and it really fucked me up. It's more than just fainting and I was out for a while this time. It's so fucking scary too. I'm waiting for my bleeding and pain to go down some before I make an appointment for my pelvic ultrasound because they are rough on a good day. I usually have some soreness after one so I'm waiting for things to hurt a little less before I do it. It's pretty uncomfortable too and I remember bleeding after the last time I went so I will have make sure to bring a pad with me for after.

My pain has been pretty unpredictable right now too. It hasn't been as bad at night which is good, it's ok right now but I can feel it coming back. Yesterday was pretty bad and I couldn't function very well so I'm pretty exhausted today. I hate how tired it makes me, from doing nothing but sitting and waiting for the waves of hell in my guts to be over. I've also been getting a lot more nerve pain and I get this thing in my left leg where if I step a certain way or something it goes all the way to my hip and it feels like my leg is going to give out on me. I swear I have endo on my nerves. I know that it's possible. It's just too much though, I keep thinking the bleeding has stopped, but it just keeps coming back. Literally in the past two months I have spent more time bleeding than not and I'm so fucking over it and not having anything for the pain is hard, but I also know that nothing helps much anyway. 

I sincerely hope that things will be different somehow with Drs when I try and get help. It's literally the definition of insanity, sending me for the same tests over and over again, expecting something to show up that never will. I wish people could understand why we lose hope and faith, after countless times of seeking help while in brutal pain we are made to feel like we don't deserve to be heard or have help. My stories aren't unique either. I will try and have some hope though, and use whatever fight I have left in me.