I know I haven't blogged here in a long time, life has been extremely challenging for me the past few years, never even mind my health. It's been many personal battles and loss of loved ones. I'm trying to get myself to a place where I can get my health better again and get myself on disability so that I can have some sort of security in my life. Not being able to work anymore because of the unpredictability of my pain has made things very difficult for me, and with covid and the state of the medical system it makes me feel even more uneased. Thank you to everyone who reads my blog, my posts and understands that this disease is truly hell. Thank you to those that have reached out to me to say thank you for helping educate them and that they wouldn't know what endometriosis is if it wasn't for me. This is why I do this, to help raise awareness, it truly gives me purpose.

I'm so frustrated with my body right now. I'm bleeding again, breakthrough bleeding. I've just got over some of the worst pain I've ever experienced with this. Worse than my last period was. I was bleeding for two weeks.. all through the holidays. I was in so much pain I could barely function and I feel it's coming back again. I have to save my energy for showers and making food to eat. I spoke with my Dr. today and she's sending me for some tests. I'm a little scared to be honest and hoping it's nothing too serious. I know the ramifications of taking the pill continually. I also know that my choices are limited as far as 'treatment' goes for this disease and that you have to pick your battles with what you choose to do. I truly wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. The hopelessness I feel and depression when I'm in this pain is becoming too much. I can't even afford tampons or pads right now so I'm hoping my pantyliners will be enough. I'm just hoping that I can get the tests done ok without too much anxiety ( bloodwork for me is an ordeal in itself) and hopefully be able to get some sort of help for myself. I'm so tired of being sad from my pain all the time and feeling like I have no hope. Chronic pain truly changes you in the worst way. I miss the old me who knew how to be happy and didn't feel so alone in the world. I'm just so tired of being sick.